What is the Jewish model for mourning?

THE JEWISH MOURNING PROCESS DIAGRAM

This diagram illustrates the Jewish mourning process.  The black cylinder represents the abyss of loss between the death and the funeral.

Returning from the funeral and lighting the shiva candle, which burns for a week, is the first small step away from the loss. The first week is the most intense and it is traditional to avoid regular concerns such as work, shopping etc.  Others should visit and look after the bereaved.

The next stage of mourning is the remainder of the shloshim, the first thirty days or month from the death.  This is a further step away from the first intensity of your loss.

The final formal stage is the remainder of the year, towards the end of which the stone is traditionally consecrated.  At the end of the first year, the yahrzeit candle is lit.

After this, you are of course not expected to forget or stop missing your loved one.  However it does mark the last step back into normal life, albeit a new normality with the memories of your loved one rather than their physical presence.  

Each year, lighting the yahrzeit candle brings the anniversary of their death, and the warmth and blessing of their life, back to mind for the family.

(C) Rabbi Jonathan Keren-Black

Bet Olam Jewish funerals, Melbourne, Australia 2012/5773

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